


in sisters, we seek strength

by mxgicxltrxgedy



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Cyrus Goodman (mentioned) - Freeform, Gen, T. J. Kippen & Amber Are Twins, something i felt like i needed to see on here, takes place before costume day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21998500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxgicxltrxgedy/pseuds/mxgicxltrxgedy
Summary: TJ finally talks to his sister.
Kudos: 33





	in sisters, we seek strength

TJ’s breath caught in his throat and he felt like he couldn’t move his chest at all- not to move his torso and definitely not to breathe. He stared at the door in front of him and stood waiting. For what? It’s not like there was anything scary behind the door. It was just his sister’s room. A room he had been in a thousand times before and would continue to go into even after today, but what he wanted to say; TJ’s rational mind didn’t win over his emotions, but the strength would come to him and he would knock on his sister’s door- hopefully.

A few times in the past few weeks TJ would pause in the hallway on the way to his own room. He would hear Amber’s music through the door and stand there for a second. He thought about knocking on the door- going in her room and talking to her. Actually talk to her without mean jabs or smart aleck quips, talk like they used to all the time. The only time they seem to do anything together anymore is when they talk about their parents, like when they both decided to get jobs to help out around the house. He wished they could talk about their lives again, or random things like the funny vines they saw that day or what their teacher did in class. TJ thought they had so much to catch up on, but what he wanted to say wasn’t something they had in common- it was something that he barely figured out himself.

One strained breath and he’s trying to calm himself down. TJ knows that his chest constricting was just his body reacting to the stress, Cyrus told him that when talking about anxiety and panic attacks. Of course Cyrus had all the information about anxiety and panic. Now maybe all the information was useful. The thought of having this conversation made TJ feel awful. It’s not even like Amber would do anything or say anything bad. This feeling though- TJ hated it. The last time he felt this much nervousness go through his body was after Reed, the watermelons, and the gun. Approaching Cyrus after all that happened made him feel like this- but the swings made it better. The swings and Cyrus made it better. Cyrus’s smile made it better.

Amber changed the song she was playing on her speaker and it brought TJ back to the hallway away from the park and the swingset. The tightness in his chest wasn’t going to get any better and TJ knew that the time was now.

He knocked on the door. The bubbly music came to an abrupt stop and TJ could hear Amber shuffling in her room. The door opened sharply and Amber was at the door. 

“Hey Teej. What’s up?” 

TJ wrung his hands. “Can I come in? I kinda wanna talk.”

Amber paused. TJ thought that maybe she wasn’t expecting a serious TJ at her door. A yell from Mom, maybe, or a peace offering from Dad. Amber stepped out of the door to let TJ walk in with a strange look. 

"What is it this time? Fail another math test? Or did you get another call from the school about your 'behavior'?" TJ sat down on the edge of her bed and Amber closed the door behind him. TJ rolled his eyes when he heard the comments. He hadn’t gotten in trouble at school in who knows how long, the only thing he did wrong in a while was fail his math class, but he managed to get that back up with one good test grade. TJ actually turned himself around, believe it or not, with the help of Cyrus, of course.

"No, actually. My last math test I got a C+.” Amber didn’t try to hide her surprise. It was a little mean maybe, but TJ didn’t expect less from his sister. She was so much smarter than him, obviously. She’s the one who skipped a grade, nonetheless. “I'm trying to be serious, Amber. I want to talk to you."

Amber's sly smirk dropped on her face. "Oh, crap. Is it Mom and Dad?"

TJ breathed a laugh. "No, I actually think I saw them smile at each other today,” he paused and wiped the palm of his hands on his knees, feeling the denim on his hands. “It’s about me.”

Amber stopped. She sits down across from TJ also on the bed. She puts her hands open palm in front of her. It was an open invitation TJ understood: you can hold my hand if you want to or if you need to. Growing up together, especially as twins, they always had their own gestures, and their own meanings. TJ didn’t take the hand, he didn’t need it for now. “What’s up?”

“I, um, I wanted to tell you something about me.” Something I found out a while ago, something that I’m scared of. TJ took a deep breath, then let it sit in silence for a little bit. The words would come to his tongue then drift off again. He didn’t know if he could manage to say it.

Amber was waiting patiently. He honestly hadn’t said the words to himself yet. God, why did he have to knock on the door if he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready and now he’s sitting on Amber’s bed and she’s looking at him expectantly and- another breath. A deep breath that he tried to use to push back all the other thoughts. Rip it off like a band-aid.

“I, I’m gay. I think.”

Silence. The words hung in the air. There was a lump stuck in TJ’s throat. He wanted a hug, he wanted to cry, and he wanted to leave. He tried to take a deep breath through his nose, but it didn’t go all the way through and it came out as a sniffle.

“Oh TJ.” TJ felt Amber’s arms go around his neck in an embrace. TJ wrapped his arms around her waist and his face dug deep in her shoulder. She knows. Just a hug and TJ felt relief wash over his body in a great wave. She knows and she cares about me. He squeezed her waist to keep himself grounded- and she returned the pressure just as hard.

Without moving his head, TJ spoke into her hair. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I wanted to tell you so bad.”

Amber pulled away from TJ and stared at him in the eye. “TJ, you’re allowed to tell me anything. I don’t care if we haven’t talked in a while okay?” She cupped his face and used her thumb to wipe under his eye and over his cheekbone. “I’m your sister, that means more to me than anything you might think. Especially with how mom and dad have been lately.”

TJ took a deep and shaky breath, and let it exhale completely before he spoke. His anxiety was trying to settle in his bones, or dissipate from his body completely. Rationally, TJ knew he still had a lot to think about, but his sister was on his side, and that’s all that mattered right now. “Thanks. It feels really good to tell you.”

Amber smiled at him and moved her hand from his neck to his hands. She squeezed them. “We need to catch up. What’s happening in your life? You passed a math class. I don’t remember that happening- ever.”

TJ laughed. That, that hasn’t happened ever. He’s been skating on high Ds in every math class in his life; that was until Cyrus told him that Mr. Coleman couldn’t fail him for dyscalculia and he actually got some extra tutoring help on the days he didn’t have basketball practice. “Yeah, my friend, Cyrus, knocked some sense into me and helped me set up tutoring sessions with Mr. Coleman, and we do our math homework together in the park. He explains everything pretty well.”

Amber scrunched her nose at the name drop, but it went into a smile easy enough. “I know Cyrus. He’s like that. He helps people. He’s helped me even when I didn’t deserve it.” Amber tossed her hair behind her. 

Yeah, Cyrus helped people, even when they didn’t deserve it. TJ knew that fact very well. When TJ was mean, pushing Cyrus away so that no one found out about his learning disability, Cyrus helped him. When TJ messed up and brought Cyrus to a dirt bike pit with an unhealthy side of firearms, Cyrus’s voice in TJ’s head was the one to tell him to call the police. Cyrus’s smile when TJ told him, you’re the only person I can talk to like this. All of it helped him- and TJ thought he was a better person because of Cyrus Goodman. “When did you start hanging out with Cyrus?”

“I met him when Buffy Driscoll, joined the boys basketball team. Buffy, Cyrus, and their friend Andi are all attached at the hip.”  
Amber laughed. “Yeah, I know. They hang out with Jonah too, remember? My ex-boyfriend?” 

TJ’s face went slack. “I totally forgot you dated him.”

“Thanks for slacking, bro. Aren’t you supposed to protect me from all the boys that come my way?”

TJ was slacking. He hadn’t really talked with his sister in a long time, and the last time it wasn’t about themselves and their lives. It was what was happening around them and what they were going to do about it (last time they both decided to get jobs, Amber at the Spoon and TJ at the gym). He guessed when Amber moved up in grades they just sort of… dropped the ball. “I guess I have.”

“I won’t have any of that.” Amber told him. She let go of his hands and laid down on her bed, on her stomach. She put her head in her hands and waited. TJ waited for what she was going to do, but she just stared up at him with her blue eyes. 

After a moment, she patted her palm on the bed. TJ rolled his eyes. Understanding, TJ laid down on the bed too, but rather on his back with him facing the ceiling. 

“So tell me more, about your new friends- what’s going on with your life.”

“Um,” TJ thought about it. “I'm gonna ask Cyrus to do a costume together on costume day. I thought of a good one last night and I think he’s gonna like it.” TJ told her. Costume day was a big deal, at least at the middle school. People usually planned their costumes at least two weeks in advance. TJ hoped that Cyrus didn’t already have one because doing a costume with Cyrus- and inside joke only the two of them (and maybe Andi or Buffy) would understand. The thought made TJ smile.

“I remember costume day at was always really fun to be together with the people… you care about." Amber paused before she finished her thought. She could have said friend, but she didn't. that was something that TJ himself wasn't ready to unpack yet- Cyrus being not only a friend but one of 'the people he cares about'. "When do you plan on asking him?"

“I’m meeting him tomorrow in the park and I’m gonna ask. My idea is this inside joke we have- so I think he’s gonna like it.”

Amber rolled over so she was also on her back- but her head was resting on his rib cage. “I’m sure he’s gonna like it.”

TJ scoffed and raised his head to meet her gaze. “I didn’t even tell you what it was.”

“But, just from what you said I think Cyrus will say yes.”

TJ hoped he would, and he hoped it was a good idea. He didn’t want to make it a deal or anything, but TJ having a real friend was a deal, a big deal and he didn’t want to accidentally do the wrong thing and start them back from square one. Again.

“I hope so.”

A comfortable silence fell upon them. It was nice, not uneasy or mean, just them being comfortable in their presence with one another. TJ felt the comforter under his head and just thought one thing, I did it. One easy thing I could do, and I did. Any other people and that was a no go, even Cyrus, because even telling Amber he felt the weight of the world on his back, if there were any more he would have to see all of Cyrus parents- biological and step- just to put him back at ease. Just the thought of telling anyone else… TJ didn’t want to think about it.

“Amber?”

“Yeah?”

“I know it probably goes without saying but, you’re the first person I told- and no one else knows-”

“I get it, don’t worry. Zipped lips.”

“Thanks.” TJ took a deep breath.

“No problem.”

TJ waited a beat. He wanted to make sure Amber understood him. “Thank you.”

Amber patted a part of his leg she could reach, “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> in sisters, we seek strength;  
> in brothers, we breed bravery;  
> in family, we find faith;  
> in each other—  
> —we endure everything.
> 
> — build me a bloodline, build me a bond. // f.o.


End file.
